How to be the perfect Indian (urban) Husband

Really, it’s not as difficult as it seems if you follow these simple tips:

1 ) Stick to your job. Your whole family depends on you now. Society and your parents made sure your wife is at home or on a teacher’s salary. Hate that soul sucking work place? Too bad. What’s that? You want to follow your passion? LOL.

2) Complain about how tough it is to be a man. Ignore the fact that society pushed you into a position of financial independence and responsibility while it pushed your wife into a position of dependance and subservience. Claim you got it much worse.

3) Make BABIES. Can’t afford it? Get promoted, you loser.

4) Forget anniversaries because you are too busy trying to get promoted. Feel indignant at your wife’s disappointment. Doesn’t she realize how tough it is being a financially responsible, independent person?

5) Buy your wife things that she can’t afford herself because of the shitty part time job that you let her take. Feel manly about it.

6) Invite your boss to your home for dinner. Pretend that it was hardly any effort for your wife as the impressive spread is an every day affair.  Laugh at your boss’s significant disappointed remark towards his own wife, who sadly works full time.   

7) Help with the dishes. Expect a blowjob for your heroic effort. 

8) Partake in mysogynistic wife bashing humor even though your wife barely nags you about anything and conversations about your work dominate most communication between the both of you. Pretend that your wife is like a whiny child even though she is your biggest supporter and you love her dearly. 

9) Go to Thailand with your guy friends. Pretend you want to sleep with prostitutes even if you don’t.  Bully the one guy in the group who is brave enough to voice this by calling him a ‘pussy’ or a ‘chutiya’. 

10) Agree with your mother when she says that your wife shouldn’t go for that abroad trip with her friends for her ‘own protection.’ It’s really not safe for women out there! Promise your wife that you will take her yourself one day. As soon as you get promoted.

11) Feel confused, ashamed and disappointed when you have a daughter. Feel guilty at your       own  emotions. Promise yourself, your wife and your new born child that you will raise her just like a son. Hope desperately that your second child is a son.

12) Complain that alimony is unfair and that your wife has no right to half your hard earned money. Who cares if her sucking up to your boss’s wife,  fancy dinners, cooking, cleaning, taking care of your parents and rearing  your children have given you the time to build your career guilt free? She knows nothing about the corporate world. She’s just a house wife.

13) Write blog posts defending your wife’s choice to be a stay at home mom. Describe how being a mother is the most beautiful thing in the universe and how you’re secretly jealous of her.

14) Lastly, never move out of your parent’s house. 

If you want to know how to be a perfect urban Indian wife, please click here!

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